[2LZ]

How come every time I have a wrenching nightmare, it's on a HONDA!? I really hate working on Honda's.......... and I'm not talking about our little Chonda's we have here. They're super simple, and a very old design.

That dang company never fails to take a simple design and over-complicate it. They're like the Mercedes Benz of Japanese bikes. Like when MBZ gave us windshield wipers for our headlights. We see them everywhere now, right?.....NOT!

My buddy is a big Honda guy. He landed a 1985 V65 Sabre in excellent condition, but of course lots of the rubber turned to crap, just by age. This included fork seals. He's a decent mechanic but never goes in very deep. That's where I come in. He asked me to rebuild his forks. "No problem" I said. "Drop them out and and deliver. I'll take it from there."

What a nightmare. It started with how they leaked all over the bed of my Ranger. I'm not talking about a seal leak. Apparently on these forks, there's a vent tube that runs between both forks (why?) and he removed it. Well, there's little holes in each fork tube and both of them pee'd everywhere, including UNDER my bed liner. We're off to a great start already.

In the shop yesterday, of course, the forks are completely different from each other (of course, it's a freaking Honda). One has the anti-dive valve so I figured I'd start with the hard one first. It all popped apart easy enough....but of course, unlike any other (non USD) forks, you don't put the seal in the slider, then insert leg. The seal comes out with the freaking leg! This means you have to run the new seal lip over a bunch of machined sections on the leg. Who the hell thought of this brilliant idea? Can you say "warranty work"?...but wait, that's not all!

Of course, you have to align the dampening rod at the bottom of the slider to bolt it in. This make you go into Stevie Wonder mode and do everything by feel. Meaning you have to reinsert spring and cap to try to put enough pressure on the dampening tube so it doesn't slip in the very-oily tube as you twist, trying to find the flat spot. Fortunately with enough twisting and pushing, I felt the magic "click" as it slipped into its pre-determined slot.

You think it's done? OH NO! Now you need the 3' long special Honda tool to be able to seat the seal down into the slider with the fork tube down it's throat! I checked my back pocket and of course, I don't have that special tool. I searched everywhere for a long pipe of the correct size. Next thing I know, I'm digging around in the shop, the garage, the shed and finally under the freaking house! Any luck? Nope. the seal is an odd size, of course.

So, a million and a half, very small "tappity's" at a time with the mentally agreed tool (a tire spoon) and I got the seal in flat and below the snap ring groove. Oh the snap ring!? WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DID HONDA USE A SNAP RING STRONG ENOUGH TO HOLD THE FREAKING SPACE SHUTTLE ON THE GROUND!? Holy Christ, what a nightmare. I SNAPPED my good snap ring pliers trying to remove those bastards! It's only holding in a fork seal! Not a bank vault! I ended up using the "two tiny screw drivers/one curved pick" method. I only bled three times, if you're wondering. After this, I tackled the anti-dive valve. That went fairly smoothly.

This is going on long enough, but I'll just say that the second fork (supposedly the easy one) was even more difficult, with all the dampening crap in it that the anti-dive fork didn't have. Plus, "PING!"...across the shop the top-out spring flew. I was like a carpet beetle with a flashlight, on my almost 65 year old hands and knees, looking under everything...to no avail. I ended up texting Mrs. 2LZ in the house and asked her to bring her UTD (Uterine Tracking Device. We men don't have one of these) to come out and help. Of course, she kicked in her UTD and found it in mere minutes. They do this to make you look like a fool, you know.

Long story long, the forks are done. They better not leak after all the abuse the new seals saw, simply by design. Let's just say I was a mess, my workbench is a mess, my clothing were soaked, my shop is hammered, and I can tell you first hand, old hydro fluid filled with metallic material, does not make good hair conditioner.

I really hate working on Honda's.